I hate it when I start wishing I could talk to someone that I used to be friends with, but there was a falling out that can't be undone.

I owe, I owe, so off to work I go...again...

Cats are terrible minions. I can't even get them to make me dinner!

To eat crow or let sleeping dogs lie--that is the question.

Why do cats feel the need to stick their hindquarters in the Hoomin's face? Do they imagine that we too greet our friends by sniffing booty?

Torrid Tempest: Is Bipolar Disorder Overdiagnosed? http://ping.fm/JlBZ3

Is Bipolar Disorder Overdiagnosed?

This was a response for a question posed by the folks at The Comfort Compass.

"What do you think about this? Do you think there could be an over-diagnosis/mis-diagnosis of bipolar disorder or do you believe that this percentage is so high for those with bipolar disorder because individuals with bipolar disorder are more apt to seek help than anyone else with another diagnosis?"

I speak as a person with bipolar disorder. I do think there is a tendency for lawyers to use it as an excuse for bad behavior, as in, do you notice how nearly every one of these women who gets caught banging their underage students is "bipolar?" This actually makes me angry because I would never behave in such a reprehensible fashion. I think it makes those of us who struggle to make a decent life in spite of this disease have to fight all the harder to be taken seriously.

That being said, I believe in the general population, bipolar disorder is actually underdiagnosed or misdiagnosed as something else. Particularly, type II, which is what I have. I was misdiagnosed until the tender age of 38 as having "depression/anxiety" when what was really happening was I would have horrific depressions then cycle into hypomania and believe I was "recovered," only to spiral down into depression again.

Rending the Veil: Cousin Rosie's Poem + Cthulhu! http://ping.fm/tqdt7

Dearest microbiology instructor: if you wished the research paper turned in 2 wks before deadline, why not make the deadline 2 wks before???

I don't wanna love you, but I do

Listenin' to some good ole fashion cry in yer beer tunes.

I fear that my B vitamin supplement has a tendency to upset my stomach. Does anyone know of a "buffered" B vitamin supplement?

Procrastinating on writing letter to my supervisor. The truth is, I really don't want to change departments. I just don't see any other way.

I hate you, Ping. There. It's out.

Free Kittuns - an Essay by Jim Willis - from Pieces of my Heart http://ping.fm/essjt

The magnetic storm, the lightning storm, or both, knocked out my internet service. I'm back--and odder than ever!

I know love stinks, but friendship? Well, suffice it to say I am tired of being friends with users. Time for some emotional house cleaning!

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option. It has been said before but bears repeating.

Torrid Tempest: Letting It All Hang Out http://ping.fm/Ei3f8

Letting It All Hang Out

Sorry to whine. I'm having rather a lonely day. I have no actual friends and I need one so much. I just feel so very alone. I keep myself hidden behind a facade, but eventually the pain pushes my true, horrible, reject self to the surface. I will regret speaking of it, I always do. But at the moment, I must speak.

All of my foul, accursed life I have had psychic experiences. Even as a young child I dreamed of other lives--horrible lives. Lives wherein there were bodies lying about, bloated, with flies crawling out of them. I have always hated flies. I hate insects. There is no logical reason for this except that I dreamed of them when I was very small. I saw the ghosts of the little animals who died when I was a child. I communed with them. I could feel the pain of living things including other people. Foul human race, so devoid of compassion! I could also feel the hate and apathy of the majority of people. They think themselves so much superior to others, especially to those like me who feel even though sometimes I just don't want to feel or know or see any more. I just want it to all go away.

As I grew older I realized that this ability extended to the ability of feeling the emotions of those who no longer have a body. I would talk to these spirits. I thought that I would find a community of understanding souls among other mediums. But it was not to be. Even other psychics tend to belittle the experiences I have had. I have been told by some that it is not the true soul that I am accessing, but only the shell.  I have been told by others that I am contacting demons and need to take steps to rid myself of them. I sense emotions through pictures, which is usually how I make the first contact. Most of these spirits wish nothing of me. They only wish to say hello and acknowledge that yes, I have contacted them. But my doubts have made it so I have not even the ability to do that any more. I never had living people care about me much. Now I do not have even the spirits. This is what I get for reaching out to others!

Those among the rational set claim that these experiences are only an extension of my mental condition. Yes, I have a mood disorder, but my ability to sense the emotions of others (including the departed) is outside of that. Not everyone with a mental illness is psychotic. I just get so tired of being told that I'm wrong about everything.

I should like to go and be among the ghosts. They seem to be the only ones that ever understood at all. 

I hurt, really, really badly. I do not want to be told I'm wrong for hurting. I do not want to be told I'm wrong for feeling. I do not want to be yelled at and belittled for not trusting, for fearing that I am being fucked over yet one more time, as it has happened so often. Has nobody any compassion? Can nobody extend a hand of friendship to one who is very different, yet is the same in the sense that they only wish a friend who could understand and not belittle them.

I am so very sorry for what I am. Sorry I was born into the wrong world. Sorry I exist at all. I am sorry that I hurt and that I feel and that I sense what I sense and experience what I experience. I am sorry that I am not really a Barbie doll. I am sorry that my experiences don't jibe with what is generally taught regarding parapsychology. Fuck all, I'm just plain sorry. About every bit of it. About everything.

I suppose it is my fate to go through life friendless. I keep telling myself I best just get used to it. But somehow I never do.

Tempest Opens Up

I feel the need for a moment of true confessions so perhaps anyone who cares can understand a little bit about the real person behind this persona I have created. I am an extremely defensive person, although I was not physically abused by my parents. I was psychologically belittled, although they didn't intend to be cruel. My father was a very OCD college professor (he's still alive but he's confined to a wheel chair after having suffered a major stroke) and nothing I did was ever good enough to please him. My mother has a degree of borderline personality disorder (I do too, learned it from the best) and would fly off the handle and belittle everything I tried to do. I ended up feeling like I was not worthy to say no even if I didn't want something and I got used  throughout my life by predatory people. It is very hard for me to open up to people and I tend to defend myself against what others would just ignore.

Why Cats Purr http://ping.fm/2MM1x

Dumb Raccoon criminal! http://ping.fm/KR8Iy

Dear me--I really don't want to have to go over to the place of employment on a day that I don't have to work. But things necessitate it.

Ping is utterly annoying. It is supposed to log out when the computer has been turned off. I've been blurbing to the wrong account! Oops.